


silent words, loud voids

by heecheondo (HChnD)



Category: DRIPPIN (Korea Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: ...this is the first time since ever that my tags are so clean, Drabble, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Lee Eunsang Can Read Minds, Light Angst, M/M, This is cute, anyway, even with my usual rambling, lapslock, oneits write more fluffy maknae line aus, that's it. that's literally it, this is fluffy, x1 roty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-17 23:10:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20629079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HChnD/pseuds/heecheondo
Summary: it's hard to make friends when you can hear what they think of you, what they expect of you, and that you disappointed them. or so he thought.





	silent words, loud voids

**Author's Note:**

> me seeing all these x1 aus i've come up with despite being a one it for only a month: [ashley o voice] I'M ON A ROLL  
in my defence, i need more maknae line fics and if i'm not gonna get them i'm gonna _make _them.

it was a pain in the ass to always know what people were thinking. to hear the whispers of when your classmate hated their seat neighbour, the low hisses of when your father had to hear bull-(redacted, he's a good kid who doesn't cuss) from his boss, the whispers of disappointment from everyone around him.

eunsang was tired of it all. 

he should be used with it and not care much about it. it was not that they meant to hurt him, it was common to have expectations and them being broken. people didn't tell him that to bring him down, especially because no one said it out loud in the first place. no one would dare say every single thing that crossed their minds, people knew when to force a smile and keep quiet. their mouths had filters.

but _thoughts_ had no filter, their minds didn't filter any of it. and, sadly, they somehow always hit his ears as clear as an actual speech, as if they were telling it right at him, pointing their finger at him and accusing him of being this and that, judging him for being like this and like that. even from people that he considered their beloved ones, people that he trusted, would slip some harsh words. it was normal, he tried to reason, but when you're hit with them nonstop since the day you were born, it eventually becomes toxic.

especially in a place where everything was new.

the start of a new year was always scary, but this time, it was much more. he was starting high school, he didn't recognize any faces, any of their voices, but it had already started. people looking at him and wondering about him, noticing the tiredness and sadness in his eyes and judging. looking at his plain boring outfits and judging. wondering what kind of music was being played against his ears as he - unsuccessfully - tried to mute the halls, wondered if he was the antisocial type, wondered if he was secretly a weirdo, and as they stared, they judged.

it would be tough, eunsang could already tell. and so he hurried to find his class, sat down at the back, beside the window, and did his best to ignore the rushed voices, quietly.

_ "--your name?" _

he turned around, realizing that the sound - despite muffled by his music - was way too clear to be a thought. and, indeed it wasn't a thought: there was a boy his age staring at him, smiling as his eyes vanished from his face. "are you talking to me?"

"yes, _duh_", he said casually. well, if he was a classmate of his - which seemed to be the case, as he was sitting on the seat beside his - then there was no need for formalities, even if they had just met. "what's your name? i'm cha junho."

"...lee eunsang", he decided to say after a while, a bit taken aback that someone was actually talking to him. but, well, he was probably just being polite and friendly. it was nothing worth thinking too much about, so he turned around again, looking the sky through the glasses.

he could tell the other wanted to continue their conversation. he could _hear_ it. but he was a bit reluctant, a bit afraid of bothering him. it was quite cute, if he was honest, but also it was something new. usually, when he acted like his cold self towards a stranger they got _annoyed_ by it. called him spoiled, blamed on his pride, acted as if he had some god complex. it was pretty much the opposite: eunsang had too many insecurities about how he would be seen and decided to conceal it by showing them a bland version of himself. it didn't matter, in the end he would either offend or disappoint. he was used with that by now.

but he was not used with the other wondering what was wrong with him. _maybe i'm annoying him?_, junho thought to himself, not knowing he was being heard. _maybe i bored him. maybe he doesn't want to become friends with someone like me. i shouldn't have tried to talk to him._

_that_ was something that eunsang did not know how to deal with. and it made him uneasy. he felt bad, that was totally _not_ it. he was just used with shutting everyone down because no one would like someone_ like him_. so he caught himself turning back at his seatmate, licking his lips. "d- do you like iz*one?"

junho stared at him in confusion. "i'm sorry?"

"uhm. i asked you if you like iz*one. you know--", he put his palms over his chest, "naekkeoya?", and then in front of himself, "la, la, la, la vie en rose?"

_what are you doing?_, eunsang internally asked himself. his face was burning in shame, and it was even worse when he noticed the other's mind had gone completely blank. he wasn't questioning his eyes, nor was cussing him. which maybe meant good news. but it still made him anxious.

"well. i do", the reply finally came, making him leave a relieved breath. "but i like violeta more."

he caught himself blinking once at what he said. and then twice.

and then he smiled at him. "we'll be great friends, junho-yah."

it shouldn't bother him. junho never judged him, never got disappointed in him even when he would have all the right to do it. when he did something others would criticise, the other would just accept that it was his way. when he didn't get something as fast as others, he wasn't called lazy or slow or dumb, much the opposite, the older would try to help him understand. when he wasn't the perfect boy everyone wanted him to, junho told him it was fine.

it shouldn't bother eunsang. but it did.

"why do you never say anything harsh about me?", he caught himself asking halfway through their freshman year. they were chilling on a summery weekend, at a local park lying down and staring at the blue sky. they had been quiet before the question, or for junho it was. eunsang could hear the other's thoughts about how the day was pretty, how he was enjoying the day, how he was glad to be there with eunsang.

and not a single thought about how boring eunsang was, or how frustrating it was to be friends with him, or how fast eunsang got tired of running, suggesting them to stop their games and ending with junho's fun. _nothing_.

"why would i have to?", he honestly asked, still staring at the cloudless sky. 

"well. people have expectations. opinions. you can't think i only have good points, especially since you hang out so much with me. you should have seen all of my flaws by now."

that made the smaller one turn his head to look at his friend, face with no expressions. and even like that, junho didn't say - or think - anything harsh. even with him showing his weakness to the older, he still didn't judge him for not being perfect. "well, yeah, i have. but i don't see the issue, everyone has flaws. i'm sure you know mines too."

eunsang gulped. that was true but... that was _different_. right?

"but you don't judge me for my flaws", he opted to reply instead. "you don't say anything when i do something wrong. and when you do it's for me to learn-- you don't condemn me for my mistakes."

"you're _seventeen_. i think we are both allowed to make some mistakes."

"but... everyone has expectations for me. even since i was little, too. age is irrelevant for judgmental glares. for disappointment."

that made junho look sad at his direction. but even so, he didn't hate eunsang nor say anything harsh or planned on no longer being his friends. he was sad on his behalf, sad that he had lived with such pressure at young age. he didn't get why he was still so... composed. "we're young. people want to shape us for what they think it's best for us. it's not necessarily a bad thing", he took a deep breath. "but it doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong. don't think too much about it."

the younger one looked away from his best friend's face, his sight filled with blue again. junho stopped talking but it didn't mean he couldn't hear him. he could hear the older one wondering how he couldn't see how unique and special eunsang was, and that made him a little shy. he didn't know why he was seen as someone worth much more than he actually was, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't feel good. even when he was sharing his insecurities, when he had melted down his cold mask and showed a bit of his real self, the shorter boy was still very supportive of him, still wanted to be by his side. and it made him feel a wave of emotions. 

junho was extremely likeable. he could befriend _anyone_ if he wanted to. sure he was quiet at first, but he was very energetic once he opened up to others, and had a very kind personality. he could befriend anyone he wanted, and it's not like he never did it, but in the end, he still stuck to eunsang's side. even when everyone gave him weird glares not only to him but to his friend too, judging his weirdness and, thus, judging his friend as well, junho never gave them any attention. he didn't let them influence his opinions on eunsang; he made his own opinions.

"thank you, junho-yah."

"what for?"

"for not judging me."

"so... for being a good friend."

he stared at his best friend with a frown. "sure. if it helps you sleep at night."

_yes, junho,_ he thought to himself. _for being a good friend, the _best_ friend you can be._

**Author's Note:**

> edit: it now has [a part two](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20646152) because i'm a loser


End file.
